Hello there my lovely readers! I have a confession to make. I’m not always as happy and joyful and I seem in my posts. That’s just a mask I put on to hide the fact that I’m emotionally falling apart inside and cannot keep on smiling throughout the day when I know that I am not loved by anyone. Everyone I meet starts out so nice and friendly band they treat me okay. But when I show kindness endlessly people begin to get annoyed with me. They think I should be mean and when I finally break and stand up for myself suddenly I’m an ungrateful bitch! So I decided that I won’t believe that people care about me if all they do is encourage me to be able to stand up for myself then decide I’m ungrateful when I do. It doesn’t make sense at all! I take the time to help around the house. I take the time to cook and clean. I take the time to pray for them. I even check on them by asking how they feel. I’m sorry if it gets on people’s nerves that I care so much but I’m getting tired of actually caring! And I’m tired of people who are just so cold hearted that they can’t see the pain I’m in. This is why I am depressed all the time. Because I feel like no one genuinely cares about me. And that is why I am always having to pretend to be happy. Because pretending is just what I have to do most days. And no medicine doesn’t help this depression. This depression is not caused by mental health. It is caused by emotions. The emotion of knowing I am not loved by or cared for by anyone. Dispare. No one can cute this with medicine. Only Love can cure my depression. But will anyone love me? Truly love me?
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Nanami's writing life 
Those are toxi people, even talking about parents that can be toxic. If you surround yourself, that includes parents. I don´t consider parents as Godesses, they gave me birth that´t it. I grow up and see a bunch of good people and a lot more of bad people. So I just disregard the bad people that Will try to put you down, but really try. So you got to have a backbone in life and certainly confront them and afterwards disregard them in your mind. But surrounging yourself with good people, not perfect but people that are not pulling you down certainly helps….obviously. I do remember a phrase from my father when I was a kid ” At the end of the day you are alone”, what I took from that is that although we are creatures of socilisation, never the less I am alone, I choose this and that, not anybody else, I get in a crappy situation it´s on me to see how I get out of it, very few people Will help.
“The other phrase I remember as a kid is” Let´s go to war!” I´m thinking back then….what? This guy is nuts. Later on I find that life it is a constant battle, so better accept it, be prepared for it. And I´m talking from real and really shitty situations. Guaranteed more than you and most of the population. Not to be a smartass, just saying. Be tough, or they Will drown you.
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This world is an on going test of wits and also a test of character. If one fights back then how can they later say they were right?I must be careful what I do. For the gods are always watching. Being careful and mindful of what I do is key to knowing myself and the world. Quietly observing and calmly responding to a person who only intends to harm makes you the better person. Responding with hatred is never the answer
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It can make you a better person taking the shit off others, but a weaker one in their eyes and in the rest of the other people hence your going to have even more people going after you. You don´t respond with hatred, you respond smartly but with gravity, mening that the person know you are not playing around when you say you´ll destroy him if he or she keeps on with their nasty things. And who cares what others think? If I lived my life thinking what others think I would be more miserable than a squirrel……(don´t exactly know if squirrels are miserable but they seem so)
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